Plan 9 from OuterSpace – 1958

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Ed Wood is a drag (queen), this movie is a drag and queen of the worst films

Plan 9 from Outerspace has  been coined one of the worst sci-fi, space, zombie vampire movies of all times. Well even in 2010 the critics are right, this is a 4 Crapper piece of diarrhea.  Not only was this movies stupid, during the shooting Bela Lugosi died yet was replaced by a much taller Tom Mason. Poor Ed Wood must have been concentrating on his date with J ‘hey girl friend!’ Edgar Hoover and not directing directing a piece of crap.  Yes he dressed in drag, and this movie is a drag.

Where else can you have Zombie Vampires, you can see the strings, the cardboard boxes with black sheets for a set, a steering wheel for the controls of a airplane etc.  Rent this one and rush to the bathroom its a stinker!

This one gets 4 Crappers for at black and white sci-fi , zombie vampire space pooper.

Movie was Rated WTF,  not sure since in 1958 you couldn’t poot without being considered obscene.

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Skyline – 2010

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Don't look up or at this film. effects ridden crapper.

Skyline has had hype for months,  it looked like a kick of a sci-fi movie.  Well lets say its a crappy movie directed by two brothers Colin Strause, Greg Strause
Both of which have a heavy background in special effects and it shows on screen.  The aliens in Skyline appear to fly like squid and look like the senitals from the Matrixx

Staring : Eric Balfour, Scottie Thompson, Brittany Daniel (white chicks). Although the movies tag line says ‘Don’t look up’, it should b ‘don’t look at the light.. carol-anne!’. Don’t get me wrong I love sci-fi I love effects but a weak plot in this movie, for instant where and why are the aliens here, why are they needing to suck up humans and seem to evolve. Where was the miltary? Who was driving the jeep that was shooting at them in one scene. Worst yet!  when a 20megaton missle hits the ship and blows it to hell, everyone is watching in aye, and not fried or blow away from the shock wave.  A little research guys!  their skin would be melted off before the shockwave shattered them into oblivion.

Score 2 Crappers and 1 is just for the last 5 minutes of the movie that sucked poo.

Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense sci-fi action and violence, some language, and brief sexual content.

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Showgirls – 1995

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sg

The movie poster is better than the movie. and EEW. Look who's neekid!

Showgirls starting Elizabeth Berkley, Kyle MacLachlan, Gina Gershon . It s trashy movie where a drifter played by ms Berkley (saved by the bell), she goes to Vegas to become a dancer, when that really means a naked drug using coke whore.  Oh wait she played the same character on Saved by the Bell! This movie is horrible and even seeing full frontal female nudity its not worth it!  When this movie was released it was such a controversy that a sweet and innocent actress from saved by the bell would be in it.  Well when it was released, everyone was eeew!!  why wasn’t it Tiffani Thiessen instead!  Also considering all the drug and sex behind the scenes of saved by the bell it shouldn’t be too surprising that this movie is a shitter earning waste of film stock.

Rated NC-17 for nudity and erotic sexuality throughout, and for some graphic language and sexual violence.; Rated R for strong sexuality, nudity, language, a rape scene and drug use. (edited version).  The mass market release is rated R.

This movie gets 3 on the Crapper scale.

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The Men Who Stare at Goats – 2009

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If your stare too long at this picture you will turn retarded!

The men who stare at Goats, oh what the hell?? This sleeper of a movie sucks, its slow it boring and with an all star cast I expected to stay awake for more than 45 minutes of this movie. The bullcrap plot that some wana-be jarhead can stare down a goat thus having special ‘power’ to do other amazing things.  Since we couldn’t stand this movie I don’t know what the frack it was made. Staring George ClooneyEwan McGregor (dude this movie makes you look even more gay!), Jeff Bridges and Kevin Spacey. With that cast you would think, oh my god thinking isn’t even part of this movie its just so stupid.

If the adult industry makes a porn parody based on this name, its going to be a shitter too since there isn’t much to work with.

Rated R for language, some drug content and brief nudity. and goat nads.

This horrible movie gets 3 on the crapper scale.

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The Wolfman – 2010

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Where wolf? there woof woof this movie goes to the Dogs

The Wolfman – 2010 IMDB rating 6.0/10  WTF?

1 Shitter so you can make it to the bathroom before this one is over.

Staring :Simon Merrells (dude wash that greasy hair of yours) Gemma Whelan ,Emily Blunt, Anthony Hopkins.

This movie is a no brainer!  An man get bit by a wolf like animal , and no duh he mutants into a wearwolf.  No doubt we wonder (or do we) where it all started?  The alpha wolf the big Canis lupus familiaris played by Anthony Hopkins looks too old to be the bad guy, unless a wearwolf has the powers of the force , cuz damn!  He aint yoda, but sure does fly in the air like he is.  Being a wearwolf movie we honestly believe Universal was just trying to live off the lycans from from underworld.  Bad acting, digital dogs and minitures that look like it was done on a coffee table and having Anthony Hopkins in this movie is a insult to his work Enough all ready.

Rated R for bloody horror violence and gore.

Crapper rating 1.

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A royal flush

A royal flush.

Ya we are not talking cards,

where a royal flush is the best hand you

can get in poker.

It happens to be something that involves your hands and four feet of toilet paper.  Be prepared for anger excitement and sarcastic movie reviews.

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